Cannonball!!!! Splash!!! Into the deep end!! I wish I could say that’s how it is happening, my introduction into blogging. A big splash! Like before America knew who Ricky Martin was, and his breakout performance on the ’99 Grammy’s, everyone was sitting there in the audience watching him sing La Copa de la Vida shaking his hips, doing his salsa moves and the audience was mesmerized wondering who the hell is this dude?! I’m NOT comparing myself to Ricky Martin in the least, I can’t speak a lick of Spanish and I don’t really know what La Copa de la Vida means (well I do now, I looked it up, its Cup of Life!) I’m talking about his splash! That shit was a SPLASH! Now here I am ready to make “my splash” into the blogging world, but it’s more like I’m cautiously standing two feet away from a three inch ledge peering into a five foot deep pool. I’m 5’6, can swim and the pool’s clean, there aren’t any dead squirrels floating in rotten leaves. In other words, I ain’t gonna drown while staring and grasping at squirrel carcass. But at times it sure does feel that way!
This is my very first blog post! or so I thought. Apparently this is my very second blog post. My first blog post was by accident, and was a three sentence canned welcome introduction by wordpress. I had no idea I published it until I figured out how to view my blog page. Which trust me, took a while because i went down the rabbit hole of all the other things I could do with my newly established blog such as “setting up your blog in five steps”, “viewing stats”, “how to get started”, “custom colors and background” and “choose a palette” which then led me to “upgrades” because I realized I had no clue what i was doing and could someone please tell me how to use this thing, better yet SHOW me how to use this thing I will pay you a hundred thousand dollars (in monopoly money) don’t make me have to learn this on my own!! Is there a recovery program for people who suffer from Immediate Gratification issues? Forget about actually writing content on my blog, mine had to look pretty first! If I have been choosing from the life a la carte tray, I will have the immediate gratification with a side of perfection please.
So…maybe a couple of hours and 12 wordpress open tabs later, i walked away from it, no wait… I more slinked away from it like how I would do if i were at an open house for a new build using the bathroom and I go to flush the toilet only to break the fancy new toilet handle that pulls up (or sideways who the hell knows) instead of the no brainer down and then I rig it back like nothing ever happened until the next person goes in the bathroom and they “break it”. That was almost three months ago…not the toilet bowl handle story, I made that up (or did I?) but the birth of my blog and accidental first post and my subsequent abandoning of my writing ship. In fact, I’ve never closed the tab links because I am pretty sure I wouldn’t know how to find the site links again, one of many fears I have around blogging! Fears or excuses? Or are they one in the same? All I can say is, thank gawd for the “open previous tabs” feature on Chrome!
Now here I am, back again writing a current status new draft for my blog (yay I figured out how to change status from “publish immediately” to “draft”). And I’m going to change the status to Publish (once I read it 1000 times). What brought me back to my broken toilet bowl handle? I would like to say it’s because I can’t wait to share my stories with the world! And honestly that is for realz! I’ve always wanted to write. If anyone could be remotely entertained by the running dialogue i have in my head, and like to read how I can incorporate Ricky Martin and dead squirrels into my posts, then that makes me happy! I do want to share and I will share oh yes I will! Snap! But really what’s got me here now, fingers to keyboard, has been because of the help of my awesome mentor who challenges me to get out there and be seen. Who, without judgement, teaches me how to get out of my head and live from my heart. Tracy Crossley, who happens to also be, out of her many many brilliant attributes, a true example of authenticity. She writes it, she walks it, she talks it, she lives it, she breathes it. And she inspires me to want to be that for myself too. As she reminds me, I am only writing for myself and no one else. I’ve been working with her for the past 8 months, which in the broad sense in my 46 years doesn’t seem that long and did i mention she is brilliantly intuitive, she knows all my excuses! Lets say she’s the person who walked into the bathroom after me and know’s I am the one who broke the handle and comes back out, taps me by the back of my collar as I am tiptoeing in the other direction and gently but firmly says “oh no no no, get back in there and put the handle back on correctly or at least leave a fuckin note!”
OK, i see now that I possibly could be comparing my blog to a toilet bowl, but that’s not my point. My point is, if you find yourself staring from the outskirts into the pool of life hesitant to jump because you’ve been living in a space where having courage isn’t often encouraged, allow yourself to be inspired. Do I splash or do I splat and do I really care? Now that outcome really doesn’t matter, as long as I am out here jumping in to the deep end sometimes fearless but always free, THAT is what makes me happy.
Thank you Tracy!
Go,Go,Go, allez allez allez!!