Today I am sad.

Today  I am sad.  No matter what the benefits of my recently new morning ritual of 30 minutes dedicated to positive affirming, mantra speaking and Deepak meditating may have done, today I am sad.  No matter how much I try to limit my intake of social media, news media and my inner dialog from having looked too long at said two, there are things and events that can not be overlooked.  We are not immune to tragedy even though with the almost now daily coverage of what appears to be violence seeping through the pores of the ground that we stand on, we can only step on so many stones, climb up so many branches, put on our gas masks to try and avoid and outrun the shit seeping up and covering the ground below. Eventually sh”it” touches us.  Maybe not directly. Maybe directly would be easier, then you would know how to navigate if only by no other choice but to fall in the shit and sink or swim no matter how retched the experience.  We can stand on our branches, helpless if we choose to look down and watch those who fall get caught in the swift current, or we can choose to look up and keep climbing, and see if we can outrun it.  Eventually though, I’m convinced no tree is high enough to support you on the top branches and eventually you run out of tree.  Eventually we are all going to have to stop and look down.   Today is that day.  No matter how much I try to look away, stick my fingers in my ears and repeat over and over “its not happening to me, i can not control this” today I can not look away and I can not keep climbing.  Today someone on a branch not too far from mine stepped up and their branch snapped.  And no matter how much she tried to hang on, or not, she has fallen into the shit river that has formed from needless hate and violence.  It is swallowing her, although she can’t just see that yet, but it is something from my view I can see.  And my heart breaks like the limb she was standing on, so easily and suddenly, snaps and breaks.  I can look around for a loose limb to grab off and reach out to her and yell “grab on!”, but when has it ever proven wise to cling to a branch in a swollen raging river?   All I can do now for her is watch from afar atop my branch as she gets colossally tossed downstream.   “I will pray for you!  I will send you love!” I will yell, but really can she even think to hear?  And I will do both those things.  For her.  And for me.  And for everyone caught in that current. And I will mean it. That is all I can do.  Until I can do more.  And I will do more, as soon as I know what more is.  Maybe it starts with writing this, and everyone will stop climbing up reaching for higher branches, higher ground.  And look down and send a prayer and love blast.  And close our eyes and wish tomorrow will be better.  But today, I am sad.

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